OG with a …
Truck (of course): I can get your lawn mower to the repair shop, or those bricks and posts home from the hardware store, so you can keep your nice clean car nice, and clean. Perhaps it’s time for the vintage appliance yard art to go. Whatever works for you we’ll figure it out.
Chainsaw: I can help you with those cuts you’ve been putting off because it wasn’t worth buying a saw, or that tree the storm blew in. I sport two healthy Husqvarna chainsaws and over 29 seasons I still have all ten fingers and toes. Perhaps that makes me a novice. L&I restrictions are that I can’t cut down a tree, but I can cut up a down tree. Gotta love government. It doesn’t say you can’t cut it down 😉
Wood splitter: Firewood work is just that… ‘work’, but a wood splitter increases accuracy and yield. In less time than you thought, that task is behind you and you are free to attack the next project. We can split together to make it go faster if you like.
Ladder: Six foot is nice, eight foot is better, but with a 28 foot ladder I can put your kitten safely up in a tree so the cute fireman can come and get it down for you. Love is in the air. Hey, I’m not judging.
Weed mower: For the tall grass that laughs at your weed trimmer and growls at your lawn mower. My mower’s heavy, ornery and has taken out one car window to date… ouch! Everyone take cover.
Laser: This thing is handy! It has an auto-level and plumb line (straight-up-and-dicular). Did you come to find out the greenhouse you put up looks like the leaning tower of Pisa? With a few inexpensive stakes marked properly in the ground you can make your level sound… unless you want it to lean, in which case this laser has a lock function so you can intentionally tilt it. How about a fence line?
Wood and steel tools: With cord and cordless drills, saws, grinders and an assortment of clamps a substantial amount of mischief is possible. Are you a possibility thinker?
I have but one goal and that is if I can help you with something, you can relax with the confidence that it will not cost too much and the assurance that your task will be comfortably completed.
You won’t need therapy to get over the bill, your children’s ears will be safe and you won’t have to wear a helmet for the tools that get thrown. No staring nonchalantly at the ceiling to avoid a ‘plumber’s crack’. Your chiropractor will miss you.
That said, I am not as handsome as a young guy, not as strong or fast, don’t look as good in a white tee-shirt, I don’t have a sparkling smile or a big beautiful truck that you will pay for.
"Truck ain't dirty, it's a gelding." (Sam Elliott never said this.)
I look a wee bit like the missing link (Chewbacca), so does my truck. I have time for your input, no place more important to rush off to, a great sense of slightly twisted humor and we’ll barter a rate you can live with.
Better hire me quick, as you can tell by this writing I’d starve as a comedian.
HANDYMAN (full definition) per WAC 296-200A-016 (26)
A contractor in this specialty must be an individual who does all work personally without employees or other specialty contractors. A handyman may perform more than one unrelated specialty trade or craft provided they do all the work themselves. All work shall be limited to minor casual work of existing residential maintenance and repair with a total dollar value of time and materials under two thousand dollars. Work requiring a building permit may not be done by this specialty. If the registered contractor is a corporation or limited liability company (LLC), one person must be identified as a handyman. Work in this specialty may also require plumber certification per chapter 18.106 RCW and/or an electrical license per chapter 19.28 RCW.